One of the most persistent problems copywriters face is how to get into the actual writing of a promotion. At [the 2006] FastTrack to Success Bootcamp, Jen Stevens gave a very practical, easy solution: Tell a story. Stories are something we hear and learn from at an early age. We respond to them on emotional levels we’re barely conscious of. This intense human connection to stories makes them a powerful and compelling way to lead your sales letters. Jen offered four reasons storytelling leads make your job as a copywriter easier. A well-told story . . . • Gives a practical way to get into your sales letter • Creates a friendly, personable, and conversational tone for your copy • Makes your promise (and your product) “real” to your prospect • Makes your message easier to remember Where Do You Find Good Stories?Jen suggested these five places to find stories for leads: 1. Customer TestimonialsCustomer testimonials are one of the best-known sources for stories. Jen’s example was a testimonial written for a household-hints book: “My guests were due to arrive in just 15 minutes! But the toilet was clogged. And I couldn’t find a plunger . . . or a plumber! I called my sister, who has a copy of . . ."And it goes on to describe how the customer successfully unclogged her toilet and saved the dinner party, thanks to the book. Though that may not have happened to you, the story strikes a chord—because it clearly could happen. It relates to a situation none of us wants to be stuck in. It touches the prospect in a personal place. 2. Biographies and History BooksJen described a lead that told the history of the Mayer Rothschild family, and the fortune Mayer amassed using a “secret currency.” The story starts when he was 11 and lost both parents in a smallpox epidemic. It depicts him as a careful, quiet, observant young man who became an apprentice to bankers in Germany. The story continues—never revealing what the secret currency is—to the point where . . . Well, you get the idea. The story was written to intrigue the prospect. And it does that, because we can identify with the poor 11-year-old rising to unimaginable wealth. And we can picture ourselves using his secret to build our own wealth. 3. Personal Stories From Gurus, or Product-Creation StoriesIf you want to make money in the stock market, who better to listen to than someone who’s done it . . . time and again? Or if you want to travel the world on a shoestring, who better to follow than someone who does it for a living? The power of the guru—the expert who knows how to “do it” (whatever “it” might be)—is boosted by true stories of how he discovered his secrets, developed his product, or built his wealth. Giving your prospect stories like this makes the guru more real. It allows your prospect to relate to and believe in the person. And this increases his relationship with the guru and your product. 4. News StoriesNews is a great source of story leads. One of Jen’s examples tells the story of an 88-year-old woman who loaned her grandnephew money to buy a car. The boy got into an accident . . . and the woman got sued! The story is full of details, which makes it not only very believable, but makes the “injustice” of the situation strikingly real. It’s hard to read that lead without thinking “That could be me.” The story has you hooked. And you keep reading because you want to find out how you can protect yourself. (Jen notes, as an aside: If you use a news story in your copy, document where you got the information and be sure to provide that documentation to your client.) 5. Your Imagination“Imagine lounging on your deck, a book on your lap and a cocktail in your hand. Just steps away, turquoise waters slip gently up onto the talcum-fine sand. Overhead, palms rustle and pelicans squawk.
“As the sun slips behind the red horizon, your cook lights a lantern on the table and brings you the dinner she’s prepared . . . fresh-grilled fish with mango chutney, a salad, a bottle of wine . . .
“You look up at the clear night sky and wonder, for a moment, if it isn’t all a dream . . . After all, it’s just the kind of extravagance the rich and famous enjoy . . . But you don’t have to be a celebrity to live like one.”You can use your imagination along with any of the previous four story sources to grab your prospect’s attention. Doing this allows you to combine compelling aspects of several true stories and make the overall appeal stronger and more direct. Keep in mind that this technique works best when the “story” you’re telling—or the “picture” you’re creating—in your lead is a positive one. For example . . . “Imagine you’re being sued by the victim of a car wreck. You weren’t driving the car. You didn’t even own the car. All you did was loan money for the car to your grandnephew.”This isn’t as effective as the authentic news story about the 88-year-old woman, because it seems far-fetched. Plus, it’s an unpleasant place for your prospect to go. If you’re going to imagine a story, says Jen, take your reader someplace positive. What Makes an Effective Story?Jen said that strong story leads . . . • Are relevant to your readers • Often start in the middle of the action (with the guru climbing through the jungle brush, for example) • Are rich with detail • Show a change, usually for the better—or at least hint at improvement This article appears courtesy of American Writers & Artists Inc.’s The Golden Thread , a free newsletter that delivers original, no-nonsense advice on the best wealth careers, lifestyle careers and work-at-home careers available. For a complimentary subscription, visit http://www.awaionline.com/signup/.
Last week, we brought you some of the main points that Jen Stevens and John Forde made at Bootcamp in their presentation about using the storytelling lead. This powerful technique is rapidly gaining popularity because it’s so effective at grabbing the prospect’s attention and interest. [Ed. Note: If you missed last week’s article, you can read it here] As John explained to Bootcamp attendees, there are four basic steps to telling stories that sell. So today, let’s take a look at them: 1. KNOW YOUR STORY• Study everything you can about the subject of the story (which is usually someone who is involved in a discovery, a prediction that came true, or some other compelling event). • Read everything you can about the subject of the story. • Close your eyes and tell yourself what your story’s about. • Write out the details of your story in a number of different ways. • Pick out the story approach that’s most effective. 2. PREPARE YOUR STORY• Ask yourself what message you want to convey. • Identify the key moment you want to present, the one that makes your story compelling and relates most closely to your promise. In last week’s example of the stock guru visiting an Azerbaijan goldmine, the key moment was when he was going down in a rickety elevator and the manager let slip information about a recent discovery of a vein of platinum. 3. IDENTIFY THE "ARC" OF THE STORY"Arc" is a Hollywood term for the way the subject of the story develops and overcomes obstacles in his way. The arc of the goldmine/platinum story is that our stock guru is skeptical of going to Azerbaijan, but badly wants to find something important to tell his readers. He runs into numerous problems in getting access to a goldmine. Then, going down into the mine in a rickety elevator, the mine manager tells him about the discovery of platinum. • Start by figuring out how the story ENDS. • List and put in order inspiring details about the story. • Start in the middle of the story. Our stock guru story might start with him entering the elevator, concerned that he might never make it back to the surface. He may then reflect on why he went there in the first place, and end with the revelation about platinum that he got from the mine manager. 4. CONSTRUCT THE STORY USING THESE GUIDELINES:• Make it tight. Use only important details. Ruthlessly eliminate anything you don’t need. • Hint at the Big Benefit to come. • Tell your story quickly. • Stick to the truth. • Rely on specificity and juicy details. • When finished, tie it all together with your promise, and then transition to the rest of the letter. So, where do you find compelling stories? Following are a few of the most productive places to look for story leads. (Remember that unless you lead with a phrase or copy that indicates your story is fictitious—for instance, "Imagine . . ."—your story must be true.) • Customer testimonials • Product creation stories • Personal stories from newsletter editors or "gurus" • Topic-related news stories (An example from the past: the development of genetic engineering, followed by a stock guru describing how to get in on the ground floor by investing in Genentec.) • Topic-related best-selling non-fiction books (Maybe you’re writing a sales letter that stresses the importance of separating fact from rumor and hype in investing. In that case, you could get some great stories from Charles Mackay’s book, Extraordinary Popular Delusions & the Madness of Crowds.) • Biographies and history books (Let’s say you’re selling a newsletter with a major focus on individual privacy. You could pull a dramatic and compelling story from a biography of one of the Founding Fathers of our country.) The next time you’re faced with writing a lead, explore the power of storytelling leads by writing one. You’ll find yourself in the company of the best copywriters in the business. This article appears courtesy of American Writers & Artists Inc.’s The Golden Thread , a free newsletter that delivers original, no-nonsense advice on the best wealth careers, lifestyle careers and work-at-home careers available. For a complimentary subscription, visit http://www.awaionline.com/signup/.
Many of the most successful direct-marketing promotions currently have something in common. Their lead is a real story about a real person or situation that impels the reader to read on. At this year’s [2005] FastTrack to Copywriting Success program, Jennifer Stevens and John Forde explained why storytelling leads are so effective … and how to use them in almost any market. Here’s some of what they said: Storytelling cuts through the mass of information surrounding us. So, instead of being bombarded with facts, names, figures, and other chunks of information that dull your prospect’s interest, a story lead makes what you’re trying to say seem personal and exciting. For example, instead of leading a promotion with a promise of being able to make "profits of 58% … 131% … or 235%" … you could lead with a story like this: "As an analyst for the National Security Agency, Malcolm Blahblah got to know 5 highly placed ministers in the Saudi Oil Ministry. His knowledge has allowed him to make perfectly legal profits in oil futures … profits he wants to share with you."When you use a story like this, you must tell the truth. Exceptions are stories that you clearly label as based on imagination by saying something like "Imagine …" You can also present an obviously fictionalized story such as the classic lead in Bill Bonner’s International Living promotion. You also must not violate any restrictions imposed by regulatory agencies. (Our Malcolm Blahblah example comes perilously close to suggesting insider trading, which you want to avoid.) John and Jennifer went on to tell why storytelling leads can be so effective. In sales copy, a well-told story helps you: • Sound experienced and expert • Present your information in a way that makes people enjoy reading it and remember it more easily • Get around barriers of excess information • Pull together many independent facts and figures into an easy-to-absorb whole • Show (and not tell) your reader what you’re really promising • Make the message more manageable • Give your prospect an easy way to understand and explain his buying decision … to himself and others • Make the narrator of the story more personable and human There are nine elements to any good story, whether storytelling lead, novel, or movie. A good story: 1. IS RELEVANT TO THE AUDIENCE Know your prospect and what he’s interested in. If he’s an investor who only pursues safe investments, you wouldn’t want a story about someone who made his fortunes trading stock options. 2. IS OFTEN ABOUT A PERSON (OR PEOPLE) We’re far more attracted to stories about people than stories about machines, ideas, strategies, or the like. 3. LIKE AESOP’S FABLES, HAS AN UNDERLYING MESSAGE The message in a storytelling lead is usually your promise or an idea that leads directly to your promise. 4. IS RICH WITH DETAIL Malcolm Blahblah in the story above knew FIVE oil ministers. Details give stories (and promotions) a texture of credibility. 5. IS ENTERTAINING … AND ENTERTAININGLY WRITTEN A story about an equities trader sitting at his desk isn’t exciting. A story about his trip to Azerbaijan goldmines and going down 3 miles in a rickety elevator is. 6. BUILDS AND SURPRISES Perhaps the equities trader in our example went to Azerbaijan skeptical of there being anything worth noting. But while going down in the elevator, the mine manager told him not about gold, but about a previously undiscovered rich vein of platinum. 7. IS JUST LONG ENOUGH Ever been to a movie that you felt ended two-thirds of the way through? You probably wanted to (and maybe did) walk out as the story dragged on. If you’re writing a storytelling lead, don’t let your prospect feel like that. Next week, we’ll tell you much more about creating stories that sell. This article appears courtesy of American Writers & Artists Inc.’s The Golden Thread , a free newsletter that delivers original, no-nonsense advice on the best wealth careers, lifestyle careers and work-at-home careers available. For a complimentary subscription, visit http://www.awaionline.com/signup/.
Descriptions that editors and clients like—the ones they pay for—are those that paint pictures so vivid, readers see and feel and taste them. And this is true whether you’re talking about travel writing, copywriting, romance writing, or any type of writing for that matter. How do you make sure your descriptions are vivid and alive? The short answer is: "Show, don’t tell"—a maxim that you’ll come across in nearly every book on good writing. But what, exactly, does that mean? How do you, in fact, "show" and not "tell" in your writing? It’s not that easy . . . but don’t despair. I’ll let you in on a secret that will help immensely. First, let me back up . . . What Is "Show, Don’t Tell?""Show don’t tell" means don’t announce directly what something or someplace is like and how it should make visitors feel. Instead, describe it so richly that your reader experiences it for himself. Let your reader draw his own conclusions. Don’t lay them out for him. Say you’re writing about a back-of-beyond hotel on some barely charted island in the Mozambique Channel. You could say it’s remote. You could say it’s peaceful. But a more skillful writer would describe it so the reader would find himself thinking, "Boy, this sounds like the most remote, peaceful place on Earth." How can you "show" remote? Tell him about how you got there—the four-hour ride into dense bush in the canvas-topped back of a 1979 Peugeot pick-up truck . . . with three chickens, four shrouded women, and an infant for company. How do you "show" peaceful? Perhaps describe the night—how the only sounds you hear are the rustling of lemurs in the trees, the squeaks of fruit bats, the sloshing of the Indian Ocean as it slides between jagged lava rocks that frame the sandy cove where this hotel sits. I know . . . it’s one thing to read it. It’s another altogether to write it. But take the following advice seriously, and you’ll improve every description you write. The Big Secret: Avoid "Filler" Words That Don’t Say Anything . . . Or Say Something to One Person and Something Else to AnotherSometimes it’s hard to find that standout detail that really characterizes a woman’s dress. So you say it’s "fashionable." You ring the bell in a rural French town, and a shopkeeper comes down from his upstairs apartment to open his antique store. You wander through, even buy a little something—silver ice cube tongs. In your story, you say the shop is "quaint." Travel writing (all writing, for that matter) is full of words like "fashionable" and "quaint" that don’t say anything: pretty, lovely, charming, upscale, idyllic, cozy, colorful, fancy, beautiful. When you use words like these, you’re just filling space. You’re taking the easy way out—and editors and clients know it. As William Zinsser put it: "One man’s ‘romantic’ sunrise is another man’s hangover." Consider this description with too many "filler" words: "We’re greeted on arrival by hot, tropical weather. A blessing. There’s the beautiful bay, Bahia de Zihuatanejo, that we saw in the pictures. Our palapa is at the edge of an idyllic jungle.""Beautiful bay"—one reader conjures up Cape Cod in his mind, another sees a Caribbean island. "Idyllic jungle"—one reader thinks of a tamed landscape with lighted, stone walkways and strategically planted frangipani, another sees a dense expanse of vines and trees, seemingly impenetrable. Choose Specific Details—Lead Your Reader to Draw His Own ConclusionsHere’s a description rich in specifics that make it genuinely compelling. Ever since I first read it, I’ve had an itch to see Oslo in winter. And at least one editor liked it—because this appeared in The New York Times: "There were little white candles flickering everywhere in Oslo—even in the breakfast room of the hotel, where we guests all lingered over our lavish Scandinavian smorgasbord.
"According to our preferences, we fortified ourselves with three kinds of herring, with soft-boiled eggs or shrimp salad, with mackerel in tomato sauce or muesli. We refilled our plates and sipped our tea and coffee, reluctant to go out into the winter cold. Little white candles in silver-stemmed goblets, in smoked-glass boxes, in pewter saucers, were burning on every table in every cafe and restaurant, like a promise to hold onto the light right through the winter darkness."The writer doesn’t tell us that guests have a wide choice of breakfast foods. He doesn’t tell us the hotel’s breakfast room is cozy. He doesn’t tell us Oslo in winter is surprisingly enticing. He provides us with the specifics and lets us draw those conclusions from them. Make the place or object or scene you’re describing come alive for your reader. You want him to join you there. It takes energy and effort. But if you’re careful to shun "filler" words in favor of specific details, you’ll be way ahead of the pack. And editors and clients will notice. This article appears courtesy of American Writers & Artists Inc.’s The Golden Thread , a free newsletter that delivers original, no-nonsense advice on the best wealth careers, lifestyle careers and work-at-home careers available. For a complimentary subscription, visit http://www.awaionline.com/signup/.
AWAI language guru Jen Stevens knows copy. She knows what works. And she knows what doesn't. Jen knows from firsthand experience, because she has written dozens of winning packages over the past 10 years for many different products. Just as important, she regularly reviews other people's copy. One of the techniques that Jen depends on is to put copy through language "stress tests" to make sure the words are powerful and will carry the prospect from the headline all the way through the close. All the way to making the purchase. Her first rule—and the most important one—is to eliminate all forms of the verb "to be." (Remember what you learned from your grade school grammar teacher: Verbs are "action words" and the common forms of the "to be" verb include is, are, was, were, and am.) You want your copy to be lively, exciting, and visual. You want your prospect to imagine a vivid, compelling picture. The way to do this is to use strong, active verbs. And "to be" verbs are not active. They are weak and passive. Try this mental test: Visualize the word "jump." That's not too difficult. Maybe you thought of a basketball player making a jump shot or your child jumping off the diving board. Now, visualize the verb "is" … or "am" … or "was." That's not so easy, is it? Let's take this one step further. You can develop an even stronger image by using verbs that are more descriptive. Imagine Michael Jordon "soaring" toward the basket. Or your child "leaping" off the high dive. The point is, when you get away from using forms of the verb "to be," you open up a whole, rich world of verbs that convey a huge range of actions and imagery. Now for a quick exercise. I'm going to give you five sentences using forms of "to be." Change these verbs to lively, more powerful, active verbs. (Hint: when you change the verb, you'll probably want—or need—to change other words in the sentence too.) I've listed a suggestion for each sentence at the end of this article—but keep in mind that there are no correct answers. Your changes might be much better than mine. OK, here are the five sentences: 1. Lemming Castle is on top of the hill. 2. Steve Smith is a successful stock adviser. 3. SymoTech stock was down 312 points. 4. Polycosanol is a good LDL cholesterol-lowering natural substance. 5. The fall colors are delightful. Of course, you cannot eliminate "to be" verbs completely. Some are indispensable. (Like the one I just used.) But if you want to strengthen your copy significantly, go on a "search and destroy mission" to weed out as many of the "to be" offenders as you can. One more very important suggestion: Don't go on this word hunt when you're writing the first draft of your copy. When you're creating your first draft, let the ideas rip. Don't slow your creative juices by trying to edit at the same time. The best time to do it is in your second draft. And, finally, here are my suggestions on possible ways to eliminate "to be" verbs from the five sentences in the above exercise: 1. Lemming Castle stands guard over the Dyye River canyon. 2. When it comes to picking successful stocks, Steve Smith kicks butt! (OK, maybe you wouldn't say this in a promo—then again, maybe you would). 3. SymoTech stock plummeted 312 points. 4. Polycosanol lowers LDL cholesterol significantly—and naturally. 5. In the fall, nature paints the mountains using a palette of yellows, golds, and brilliant crimsons. Happy hunting in your own copy! This article appears courtesy of American Writers & Artists Inc.’s The Golden Thread , a free newsletter that delivers original, no-nonsense advice on the best wealth careers, lifestyle careers and work-at-home careers available. For a complimentary subscription, visit http://www.awaionline.com/signup/.
The best way to ensure you're speaking directly and personally to your reader is to eliminate passive voice from everything you write.
Don't panic. I know it sounds an awful lot like a grammar directive … something that you might have heard from your sixth-grade English teacher. But bear with me … this is not complicated, and it makes a world of difference in how successful your writing will be.
(I must confess, I did not pull this discussion of passive voice together by myself. For your benefit, I've borrowed the diagnosis and the cures from Dr. Thomas Murawski, a long-time advocate for clear writing. He has graciously given me his permission to use them here.)
To eliminate passive voice, of course, you have to know how to find it. Here's how to spot passive voice …
1. If you can ask "By whom?" or "By what?" after the verb, then the verb is in the passive voice.
EXAMPLE: "The car was driven by Megan."
The car was driven BY WHOM? By Megan. So that sentence is in passive voice.
EXAMPLE: "The majority of tourists, relying on the information in the brochures, had been led to believe that the best place to eat was right there on the pier at the obtrusive fish place with the neon sign."
The tourists had been led to believe that BY WHAT? By the information in the brochures. So that sentence is in passive voice.
2. A sure sign of passive voice is any form of the verb "to be" – PLUS – the past participle of a main verb.
EXAMPLES OF VERBS IN PASSIVE VOICE:
• was carried
• were removed
• must be reserved
• has been lost
• will be locatedEXAMPLE: "The baggage WAS CARRIED to the room by the bell boy."
EXAMPLE: "There is nothing more frustrating on a trip than discovering that your luggage HAS BEEN LOST."
Fortunately, it's not difficult to eliminate passive voice from your writing. Below are four sure-fire ways to make sure your sentences are passive-free and therefore easier to read and more effective.
1. Use "you" … and passive voice disappears. Talk to your reader.
PASSIVE: "Good hotel recommendations are to be found at the tourist office at the top of the hill."
ACTIVE: "You will find good hotel recommendations at the tourist office at the top of the hill."
2. Put the actor before the verb.
PASSIVE: "When deadlines are met by the writers, they are paid on time by the editors."
ACTIVE: "When the writers meet deadlines, the editors pay them on time."
3. Delete part of the verb.
PASSIVE: "The school was opened ten years ago."
ACTIVE: "The school opened ten years ago."
4. Use a different verb.
PASSIVE: "Our conversation will be kept confidential."
ACTIVE: "Our conversation will remain confidential."
Writing about Panama's Bocas del Toro, John Mitchell uses active voice in this lead paragraph and throughout the article:
"It's a kidney-pounding ride aboard the high-powered water taxi that leaves Almirante on the Panamanian mainland. The trip takes 45 minutes and through most of it, the middle-aged American woman sitting next to me is clenching the boat's gunwale, eyes tightly shut. A squall comes out of nowhere to engulf the boat and we're suddenly blinded by sheets of rain. When the deluge finally lifts, we're gliding across a glassy green sea at sunset, past low-slung mangroves toward our destination: the town of Bocas del Toro on the tip of Isla Colon."
And here's a selection from a hotel review in which the writer speaks directly to his reader using "you" and banishing passive voice:
"Accra Beach Hotel and Resort boasts a handsome stock of all the above on Accra Beach, the prettiest on the south coast. You'll receive your first helping of hospitality at the registration desk, where staff attitudes are as sunny and welcoming as the broad-arched view of the Caribbean's endless blue waters, which are visible from the lobby."
Now it's your turn …
Improve the following 8 sentences by rewriting them to eliminate the passive voice. How? Use "you," put the actor before the verb, delete part of the verb, or use a different verb entirely.
1. More artistic masterpieces can be found within the neighborhood of the Prado Museum than anywhere else.
2. Breathtaking seascapes and exotic tropical landscapes are offered by Palm Island Resort for the discriminating traveler to indulge in and behold.
3. Opportunities for challenging tours, treks, and hikes for nature-lovers – not to mention awe-inspiring views – are offered by Pico Duarte, the highest peak in the Caribbean.
4. In shipboard spas, the finest in European-style treatments can be experienced while cruising the world.
5. Particular attention has been lavished on the Silver State's range of accommodations.
6. It's more likely to be upgraded by a reservations agent to an empty suite at 8 p.m. than at 4 p.m. when bookings are still coming in.
7. I was met at the dock by Caesar Banks, a grizzled gentleman of great humor and considerable presence.
8. Undisturbed beaches and historic sites waiting to be explored will be delighted in.
This article appears courtesy of American Writers & Artists Inc.’s (AWAI) The Golden Thread, a free newsletter that delivers original, no-nonsense advice on the best wealth careers, lifestyle careers and work-at-home careers available. For a complimentary subscription, visit http://www.awaionline.com/signup/.Click here to learn about the author.
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